LIONEL AUDIO: I’ve Never Met A Bigger Bunch O’ Losers, Nuts, Ne’er-Do-Wells, Misfits, Illiterates, Foul-Mouthed, Close-Minded, Singular, Narcissistic Social Lepers In All My Life

Not you, mind you. But some on Facebook. Let me explain. I started on this “social” network some time back to post stories and pictures, keep the public in touch as to my various professional goings-on and to utilize it as a makeshift website of sorts. For the vast majority of folks that I’ve “met,” I have thoroughly enjoyed their “company.” I’m used quotation marks perhaps too much but that does in fact explain that there are no actual human contacts being made. Facebook is a miniaturized, machine gun, spray paint medium where some negligibly literate sad sacks spew drivel on an abandoned cyber billboard. It’s logorrhea to the extreme. Misfits and social wash-outs with no communication or grammatical skills pecking out Morse Code messages of mind-paralyzing unimportance.

Within this audio disquisition I lay out what I consider to be the most thorough explanation of a certain faction of Facebook users. And the key to understanding this phenomenon is that Facebook potentiates traits or predispositions on the part of some similar to how an allergen triggers sneezing. Perhaps it’s the anonymity of the medium or the security it provides, the fact that actual confrontation is never a risk save a puerile snipe here or there inspires some of the most inhospitable, contumacious and truculent behavior that wouldn’t be tolerated in any other medium or setting. Again, by just a few. I hope.

A psychiatrist friend of mine who wishes not to be mentioned by name, emailed me the following observations about some user-types. I will respect her requests for anonymity.

The patient. Puts way too much personal information on Facebook, partially to get advice, but mostly to generate sympathy and ego-boosting responses.

The expert. Posts with utmost certainty on subjects they are only partially educated about. Usually follows a philosophy that would fit on a bumper sticker.

The avatar. A cyber false flag operation. A character made up so that an individual might post ideas he or she would not want associated with their names, often dealing with sexuality, drugs, prejudicial observations, or idiosyncratic anger triggers.

Because most Americans are such lousy writers, because of our telegraphic speech, our Tweats and texts and thought minimalization, because of the very fact that for most folks, they’ve never had to write or compose a cogent thought EVER, they find that they are miserably devoid of the more rudimentary of communication skills. Short bursts of nonsense and written gibberish don’t cut it.

The problem of many. Rampant Witzelsucht. Leave it to the Germans to come up with so many great words to denote and describe the most complicated of emotions.

Witzelsucht, from the German witzeln, meaning to joke or wisecrack, and sucht meaning addiction or yearning, is a set of rare neurological symptoms characterized by the patient’s uncontrollable tendency to make puns, tell inappropriate jokes and pointless or irrelevant stories at inconvenient moments. The patient nevertheless finds these utterances intensely amusing. It is associated with small lesions of the orbitofrontal cortex.

Throw in malignant paronomasia and there you have it. Facebook provides an unfettered expression forum for the social Ed Gein. Once a “friendship” has been accepted the personality mutants can have their way with whoever crosses their path.

Facebook is a marvelous tool for social networking and promotion. Again, for 99% of its 500M participants, it’s a marvelous medium. But for the socially disjointed, the psychically cloistered and the generically pissed-off and angry, it provides a medium that is so tantalizing their pathologies overtake rational thought. And the nightmare begins.

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  1. Smooth Edward

    Once I realized you weren’t talking about me I found your piece on Facebook delightful.

    Wonderfully written, as usual.

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