LIONEL AUDIO: MSNBC For Dummies (A Viewer’s Guide To The Nonstop Hilarity) & Why I’m Addicted

Of the three 24/7 cable news outlets, MSNBC, the de facto news arm of the DNC and Obama stenographer and echo chamber, is by far the most entertaining. Period. Bar none, they are the funniest, quirkiest and most incongruous bunch of talking heads there is. CNN is, sadly, irrelevant and absolutely painful to watch. Sad to say, but Rick Sanchez was their light — a dim one, to be sure, but the brightest one they had. Fox News is the unabashed RNC and Tea Party platform but provides more indicia of balance than the Olbermann network ever had or could.

And speaking of Herr Olbermann, his “indefinite unpaid suspension” is absolute genius in figuring him into the national conversation. If this is indeed a “work,” i.e. a (à la pro wrestling) contrived and planned publicity stunt, Phil Griffin, the panjandrum of NBC’s bastard stepchild network, is the smartest man who’s ever lived. But it’s unrealistic to think that that his genius only would surface now. Politico’s Mike Allen added this take on the matter.

BEHIND THE CURTAIN: Network sources tell Playbook that Keith Olbermann was suspended because he refused to deliver an on-camera mea culpa, which would have allowed him to continue anchoring “Countdown.” Olbermann told his bosses he didn’t know he was barred from making campaign contributions, although he is resisting saying that publicly. Olbermann may not hold as many cards as he thinks. He makes $7 million a year and MSNBC’s prime time is not as dependent on him as it was before the addition of Rachel Maddow and Lawrence O’Donnell, who make considerably less.

Ouch! Leftie-progressive-MSNBC sycophants can’t see for a moment why what Olbermann allegedly did was in the slightest bit problematic. After all, he’s not a journalist, not a newsman, not a serious broadcaster whose objectivity must be above reproach. Double Ouch! It’s similar to (speaking of wrestling) Vince McMahon who, in order to avoid sports regulation burdens, announced “Wrestling’s not a sport. It’s fake.” Look, K.O. “effed up” when he failed to read the NBC fine print that proscribed contributing to campaigns, especially of folks he’s allegedly objectively interviewing. I know, I know. Fox doesn’t have such prohibitions, but (a) that’s irrelevant and (b) that’s Fox News. What the hell did you expect?

I hope beyond hope that the Keithster is brought back. Instanter. He may be the most grandiloquent, magniloquent, egomaniac  and bloviating blowhard ever to grace the portals of anything, but his raw talent and innate ability to drive the right out of their wingtipped minds is nonpareil. And despite how incredibly uncoordinated the remaining roster may appear — in a charming way, mind you — that network is nothing without K.O. A man who unabashedly rips off Murrow, rails incessantly in 12 minute special comment screeds (Memo to Übermensch: EDITING!), cannot himself conceive of and appreciate his genius and and who spouts a perpetually snarling hubris.

Herein, I provide to you the most thorough dissection, parsing and typing of hands down funniest cable news network on the flatscreen today.

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