Monthly Archives: October 2013

LIONEL PODCAST: Halloween Is Inane. Face It, Sparky.

Halloween. This says it all. Wow. But let me explicate further.

Halloween is quickly approaching and that means many things. Most annoying to me is the persistent referencing by grown babies (AKA adults) who for one night a year become something they’re not and/or wish they were.

Yes, we all know the theme and meme of the hottie (translation: strumpet) who actually is saying to the world, “’Neath these domestic threads there beats the heart of a slattern.” She’s a temptress and a seductress. Fine. Whatever. And she’ll swear up and down that this has nothing to do with sublimating a hidden propensity or frame of deluded reference as a channeled harlot. This is about a harmless celebration. No big deal. Or they’ll try to pawn it off on kids even though kids have nothing to do with this. No, this is different. This is phone privilege day at Creedmoor. This is Nurse Ratched cooing, “It’s medication time.” And no, I have no idea what that last reference denotes.

But it’s the adult male who bothers me the most. Take a look at this specimen. This guy’s serious. This is no joke.

And have you ever met this character: A grown man who not only wears some idiotic garb and outfit but who speaks of it incessantly, well in advance of the Pagan and/or Satanic event. You’d rather drink bleach or carpet tack your frenulum to plywood than hear another vapid second of this mindless drivel. This is the incipient and nascent stage of the devolution of human civilization. Or something.

BiPsychos. Please, this has nothing to do with sexuality. It’s about lunatics who tool about the city on two wheels. This breed of the neo-demented makes my skin crawl and my soul bleed. If you’ve been in the City a minute, you’ve seen these lunatics.

LIONEL PODCAST: The Meme of the Pack and Criminal Law Arcana

The prolegomenon.

Meet Reginald Chance. A fool for a client. The most stupid man on the face of the earth digitally representing his guesstimated IQ. Imagine being so cretinous, such a Boeotian that you flip off the world whilst in court. That’s smart. Good thinking, Capone. Now you’re Public Enemy Numero Uno. Congrats.

The res judicata shuffle, DaddyO.

It’s been quite an incredible tune here in the Big One. You might have been following our latest crime episode – traveling bands and packs of MotorPsychos. Not to mention undercover and off-duty cops thrown into the mix, Gloria Allred (the itinerant pettifogger) thrown in for good measure, not to mention the mysterious and medieval sounding crimes strewn and tossed about – criminal mischief, menacing, inter alia. New York’s a great penal state with a statute for everything – even strangling. Take that Ed Lewis! (Get it?) And it gets even more weird when a New York Court of Appeal is considering using voluntary intoxication as an affirmative defense to second degree murder as in driving so intoxicated that it evinces a depravity and indifference. Can you dig that? You can be too drunk to be charged with being too drunk. Only in New York, kids.

“Ready when you are, C.B.”

Here’s a tutorial, a primer for the primordial, on what to do when the long arm of the law has you in a sleeper hold. Listen carefully, Miss Creant.

The heuristics.

Or something. Anytime I can use the word heuristics I do. With impunity.

They’re never anywhere to be found. When you need them.