LIONEL PODCAST: Subway Frottage, Autoplushophilia, Extreme Shuffleboard, Brooklyn Boors and Transgender Loo High Jinks

Warning. Lionel Podcasts have in double blind tests been linked to causing uncontrollable urges to eat, gamble, shop and have unprotected sex with carnival midway ride operators named “Buddy” sporting maroon rags in their back pockets. They have also been associated with dizziness, weakness, lightheadedness, nausea, vomiting, stomach upset, tiredness, excess saliva or drooling, choking or trouble swallowing, blurred vision, headache, anxiety, weight gain, drowsiness, sleep problems (insomnia), and constipation. Other side excepts are listed infra.

More common:

  • Difficulty with speaking
  • drooling
  • loss of balance control
  • muscle trembling, jerking, or stiffness
  • restlessness
  • shuffling walk
  • stiffness of the limbs
  • twisting movements of the body
  • uncontrolled movements, especially of the face, neck, and back

Less common:

  • Blurred vision
  • dizziness
  • headache
  • inability to move the eyes
  • increased blinking or spasms of the eyelid
  • nervousness
  • pounding in the ears
  • slow or fast heartbeat
  • sticking out the tongue
  • trouble with breathing or swallowing
  • unusual facial expressions

Rare:

  • Convulsions
  • fast heartbeat
  • high fever
  • high or low blood pressure
  • increased sweating
  • lip smacking or puckering
  • loss of bladder control
  • muscle spasm or jerking of all extremities
  • puffing of the cheeks
  • rapid or worm-like movements of the tongue
  • severe muscle stiffness
  • sudden loss of consciousness
  • tiredness
  • uncontrolled chewing movements
  • uncontrolled movements of the arms and legs
  • unusually pale skin
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