Monthly Archives: November 2010 - Page 2


Bush is Obama. Obama is Bush. And the sooner that you realize and truly understand that, the better off we’ll be. You won’t expect or hope for change — one of the lamest and inane slogans ever.

As Dubya makes his way around town hawking his new book, I’m finding that I kinda like the feller. Not as POTUS, mind you, but as a dude. (I swore never to use that word. Sorry.) What kills me is Matt Lauer thinking that he’s going to ask a question that Dubya will answer differently than he’s done since his Presidency. Ain’t gonna happen, Matt.

LIONEL AUDIO: Marathoners Are Sick. Try Skydiving, Mr. Adventure!

I loathe marathoners. The obnoxious ones. That would be 87% of them. I even addressed the subject on my PIX 11 Commentary.

These folks walk around with their baked potato foil capes and their silly medals. They have a “LOOK AT ME!” arrogance that looks down upon you and hold you in contempt for not being as courageous as they. Herein, a history of less-than-stellar moments in marathon, racing, running and jogging. We’re bipedal, doggone it! Baby, we weren’t born to run.

If you want adventure, try skydiving. I did it twice: tandem and Accelerated Freefall (AFF) Level I. That’s enough. Remember, you don’t have to eat the whole egg to know it’s rotten.

I have a friend of mine who ran track in college. He and I have a running joke — he thinks skydiving is insane (of course, no one who says that ever did it). I respond that running is unmanly and the tool of the coward. Humans run from, never to. I looked death in the face and it blinked. My friend enjoys sashaying around a safe track with “on your mark, get set” signaling that it’s time to trot.

LIONEL AUDIO: MSNBC For Dummies (A Viewer’s Guide To The Nonstop Hilarity) & Why I’m Addicted

Of the three 24/7 cable news outlets, MSNBC, the de facto news arm of the DNC and Obama stenographer and echo chamber, is by far the most entertaining. Period. Bar none, they are the funniest, quirkiest and most incongruous bunch of talking heads there is. CNN is, sadly, irrelevant and absolutely painful to watch. Sad to say, but Rick Sanchez was their light — a dim one, to be sure, but the brightest one they had. Fox News is the unabashed RNC and Tea Party platform but provides more indicia of balance than the Olbermann network ever had or could.

And speaking of Herr Olbermann, his “indefinite unpaid suspension” is absolute genius in figuring him into the national conversation. If this is indeed a “work,” i.e. a (à la pro wrestling) contrived and planned publicity stunt, Phil Griffin, the panjandrum of NBC’s bastard stepchild network, is the smartest man who’s ever lived. But it’s unrealistic to think that that his genius only would surface now. Politico’s Mike Allen added this take on the matter.

BEHIND THE CURTAIN: Network sources tell Playbook that Keith Olbermann was suspended because he refused to deliver an on-camera mea culpa, which would have allowed him to continue anchoring “Countdown.” Olbermann told his bosses he didn’t know he was barred from making campaign contributions, although he is resisting saying that publicly. Olbermann may not hold as many cards as he thinks. He makes $7 million a year and MSNBC’s prime time is not as dependent on him as it was before the addition of Rachel Maddow and Lawrence O’Donnell, who make considerably less.

Ouch! Leftie-progressive-MSNBC sycophants can’t see for a moment why what Olbermann allegedly did was in the slightest bit problematic. After all, he’s not a journalist, not a newsman, not a serious broadcaster whose objectivity must be above reproach. Double Ouch! It’s similar to (speaking of wrestling) Vince McMahon who, in order to avoid sports regulation burdens, announced “Wrestling’s not a sport. It’s fake.” Look, K.O. “effed up” when he failed to read the NBC fine print that proscribed contributing to campaigns, especially of folks he’s allegedly objectively interviewing. I know, I know. Fox doesn’t have such prohibitions, but (a) that’s irrelevant and (b) that’s Fox News. What the hell did you expect?

I hope beyond hope that the Keithster is brought back. Instanter. He may be the most grandiloquent, magniloquent, egomaniac  and bloviating blowhard ever to grace the portals of anything, but his raw talent and innate ability to drive the right out of their wingtipped minds is nonpareil. And despite how incredibly uncoordinated the remaining roster may appear — in a charming way, mind you — that network is nothing without K.O. A man who unabashedly rips off Murrow, rails incessantly in 12 minute special comment screeds (Memo to Übermensch: EDITING!), cannot himself conceive of and appreciate his genius and and who spouts a perpetually snarling hubris.

Herein, I provide to you the most thorough dissection, parsing and typing of hands down funniest cable news network on the flatscreen today.

LIONEL AUDIO: Oprah, Child Molesting & Keith Olbermann

Some segue, you must admit. The first portion is a review of an Oprah Show dealing with sexual abuse, viz. men in her audience who described in graphic detail their own molestations when boys. Next a discussion of the colossal boneheadedness of self-appointed liberal brain trust, this guy (supra). Finally, the use of perspective prisms.

If Olbermann’s dismissal or suspension or whatever is contrived and planned, it is noting short of genius. Say what you want about the guy, he’s the main draw to MSNBC and drives the right nuts. Is he a journalist? No. Is he a serious reporter? No. But he’s a lightening rod for attention and Zeus knows those poor folks need anything to attract viewers.

LIONEL AUDIO: The Pathetic Post-Election Press Presses On

Thank Zeus it’s over. Gone are the mindless and interminable musings from the handful of media hacks paid handsomely to regurgitate the obvious and lackluster. Yet despite the incessant refrain of the Tea Party contingent, with all their demands of limited government and whatever, nary a mention of the national debt. “Where seldom is heard a discouraging word.” Nada. Niente. Nihil. Pourquoi? Probably because folks haven’t the slightest grasp of the concept. Sad.

LIONEL AUDIO: Post-Rally Analyses, Election Day & Psephological High Jinks

Don’t feel bad. I didn’t know what it was at first either. It’s an American pie. I hope.

Election day, midterms and our own New York governor’s race. What’s an informed American to do? Well, it’s not watching the garbage on 24/7 cable news, that’s for sure. The dearth of substance is mind-boggling. Politics is about visceral reactions, gut feelings, team politics and who’s hot and who’s not. Saturday’s Comedy Central rally for whatever, a P.R. work of genius, shows us what’s critical: even in that group of seemingly hip and sentient politically savvy they had nary a clue as to the gravamen of the problems that plague our country. They were just “here for the beer.” And a word on the wonderment of  life after death, the most impossible of oxymorons.