LIONEL FREE AUDIO PODCAST: She Eats Toilet Paper. The Other One Ajax. This Chick Sleeps With A Blow Dryer.

That’s right. Free. It’s the kind of guy I am and it shows you just how much you’ve been missing. And yes, this woman’s eating toilet paper.

Seriously, think about it. This is in essence a radio show with absolutely no commercials, interruptions, top-of-the-hour anything or the needless and mindless cessation and interruption of rational thought. It’s uncontaminated by the stultifying instructions of a radio panjandrum bereft of originality or the ability to do it himself. A commercial-free one-hour audio podcast might in fact be a 2.5 hour radio show or more with the mindless, paralyzing interruptions of spots, news and dreck. Nowhere in talk radio are thoughts allowed to continue for a stretch longer than 15 minutes tops — and that’s just once an hour. Audio podcasts can be either a mosaic (where individual audio segment “pixels” or tiles comprise the big picture) or a patchwork quilt (an amalgam of seemingly incongruous tiles stitched together wherein the final product is a pastiche). And if you understand what any of that means, congratulations. That makes one of us.

Now, the subjects covered inter alia:

  • Blood warrants issued by rubber stamp puppet judges is the new trend. It will teach those recalcitrant inebriate motorists who elect to decline a breathalyzer just who’s boss and is a natural byproduct of our new Big Sis hands-on government.
  • Say what you want about Dick Cheney, he pretty much left U.S. citizens alone. It’s the Obama folks and Big Sister Janet who brought us TSA gate rape.
  • The mindless, forgetful, amnesic ADD media. Where do the stories go when we lose interest? Remember Terry Jones, the mustachioed Flawda Qur’an burnin’ preacher? He sure changed his tune and backed off when he was (most probably) paid a visit by some rather persuasive folks. My bet: He was lobotomized and is now imprisoned in a FEMA camp under a new name.
  • Addictions hit prime time. Pica Syndrome, I predict, will be huge in 2011. The eating of toilet paper, detergent, scouring powder, name it. Our insatiable desire to catalog every human irregularity continues unabated only to be outdone by our insane addiction to self-aggrandizement and attention. TLC’s “My Strange Addiction” is a source of addiction in and of itself.
  • Some people just shouldn’t be interviewed. I’ll explain.
  • Personality types of politicians. Obama’s too detached. Bloomberg’s a dud. Boehner’s a crybaby. Is anyone ever satisfied? Nah.
  • Insane, vapid and inane TV coverage of year-end schmaltz: unimaginative, trite and far from true.

Listen. Think. Critically think.

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