Monthly Archives: June 2011 - Page 2

LIONEL PODCAST: Lionel Psychoanalyzes And Deconstructs Weinie

The parsings of Weinie are multiform, varied and virtually without end.

  • Virtual adultery and infidelity. The law doesn’t actually address violations of marital primacy when no actual physical contact occurs, save onanistic self-pleasure. Would love letters or billets doux count as low-tech or snail mail variations of violations? The law has recognized oral sex and other non-intercourse lascivious behavior and “unnatural” acts as adulterous in nature, but violations of emotional fidelity and primacy have yet to be addressed.
  • Whether this pathetic example of hedonism and selfishness, a reckless self-absorption and immediate self-gratification, is actually worse than actual yet meaningless sexual conversation.
  • The psychopathy of Weinie, viz. the lies and teeth, gnashing mendacity.
  • The penile paronomasiac, the punny and the punitentiary.
  • Why women refrain from such tawdriness.
  • The shame of having shampoo-challenged Luke Russert, who possesses the panache and wherewithal of flan, act as a latter-day Torquemada and nail Weinie to the wall. The horror!
  • Possible explanations of causation and excuses: (1) adverse reaction to Viagra, see Priapism; (2) Peyronie’s Disease also known as Induratio penis plastica or (CITA) Chronic Inflammation of Tunica Albuginea, as evidenced by his political inclinations of leaning left — not to be confused with the mind-bogglingly lame MSNBC slogan of “Lean Forward,” known by only two people as to what the hell that even means; (3) vast right-wing conspiracy; or (4) hackers.
  • The increasing relevance of alternative media. Remember, it was Breitbart who brought this, not ABC or Fox News or the New York Times. And watch the slovenly and torpid MSM just watch, slack-jawed and drooling, unable to grasp the significance of this event. What’s this about Katie Couric going to ABC? Wake me when it’s over.
  • The siren call of media attention that no woman can resist. The women who received Weinie shots couldn’t keep their mouths shut. (That’s not even a pun because he NEVER MET THEM!) The days of Marion (Mimi) Fahnestock are over.
  • Nothing explains a person better than his or her sexual ideations, preferences and fantasies. It’s rare that we get to see the deep, interstitial thoughts of anyone, especially the public figure. This shows us the sniveling, adolescent sexual coward Weinie. But does that make him a bad politician? I’ll take competency over purity any day.
  • Media types will stretch and distort the obvious. Watch how cyber experts and pop psychology frauds come in and conflate the story with cyber-bullying and Zeus knows what.

Years ago I heard a story, a tad apocryphal but great nonetheless. A pol was caught red-handed, in flagrante delicto, in a sexual dalliance that was actually photographed by ninja paparazzi. When asked why he did such a thing, the unrepentant pol responded (and I beg your forgiveness, but bowdlerizing will ruin the impact), “When you set a trap with pussy, you’re gonna catch me every time.”

He was reelected without opposition. Just tell the truth.

LIONEL PODCAST: There’s No Beano For Brain Flatus.

Søren Kierkegaard noted: “Geniuses are like thunderstorms. They go against the wind, terrify people, cleanse the air.”

I’m like that, I suppose; I terrify people. Always have. ‘Tis my nature. A fellow I met this evening, a PIX 11 viewer, described himself as a criminal defense lawyer and said, and I paraphrase, that I tell people what they don’t want to hear. I was honored. But what I really enjoy doing, more than terrifying folks by holding up mirrors and magnifying glasses, is turning on the digital recorder and beginning the riff. The riff that takes us from points A to zed with minor stops along the way. Those minor stops are the essence of the riff. The most fun portion of the journey. Let us begin.

LIONEL PODCAST: Weinergate – The Schmeckle Heard Around The World!

Move over Jonah Falcon, here comes Anthony Weiner, allegedly and putatively seen infra (I guess) in a crotch shot sent by him (I guess) to someone he claims he doesn’t know (I guess). The putz Weiner — I know, I know — imploded and took a story that was easy to defuse by, oh, I don’t know, DENYING IT! I’ve a lot of theories and suspicions and hypotheses as to Ol’ Weiner. And I think you know what I’m getting at. His behavior, if indeed it was his behavior, is hyper-masculinized, overt and, if I didn’t know better, was almost crafted to give the appearance of something that is quite different from reality. Does this make any sense? Do you catch my drift?

And while paronomasia sets in around and about the 24/7 news sock puppets trying to connect every penile pun and play on words with and anent Sir Anthony, may I assist? I prefer the direct approach. Here’s a word for you. You’re welcome.

adj. – well hung

Please enjoy this installment of my PIX 11 video disquisition on the subject.