The parsings of Weinie are multiform, varied and virtually without end.

• Virtual adultery and infidelity. The law doesn’t actually address violations of marital primacy when no actual physical contact occurs, save onanistic self-pleasure. Would love letters or billets doux count as low-tech or snail mail variations of violations? The law has recognized oral sex and other non-intercourse lascivious behavior and “unnatural” acts as adulterous in nature, but violations of emotional fidelity and primacy have yet to be addressed.
• Whether this pathetic example of hedonism and selfishness, a reckless self-absorption and immediate self-gratification, is actually worse than actual yet meaningless sexual conversation.
• The psychopathy of Weinie, viz. the lies and teeth, gnashing mendacity.
• The penile paronomasiac, the punny and the punitentiary.
• Why women refrain from such tawdriness.
• The shame of having shampoo-challenged Luke Russert, who possesses the panache and wherewithal of flan, act as a latter-day Torquemada and nail Weinie to the wall. The horror!
• Possible explanations of causation and excuses: (1) adverse reaction to Viagra, see Priapism; (2) Peyronie’s Disease also known as Induratio penis plastica or (CITA) Chronic Inflammation of Tunica Albuginea, as evidenced by his political inclinations of leaning left — not to be confused with the mind-bogglingly lame MSNBC slogan of “Lean Forward,” known by only two people as to what the hell that even means; (3) vast right-wing conspiracy; or (4) hackers.
• The increasing relevance of alternative media. Remember, it was Breitbart who brought this, not ABC or Fox News or the New York Times. And watch the slovenly and torpid MSM just watch, slack-jawed and drooling, unable to grasp the significance of this event. What’s this about Katie Couric going to ABC? Wake me when it’s over.
• The siren call of media attention that no woman can resist. The women who received Weinie shots couldn’t keep their mouths shut. (That’s not even a pun because he NEVER MET THEM!) The days of Marion (Mimi) Fahnestock are over.
• Nothing explains a person better than his or her sexual ideations, preferences and fantasies. It’s rare that we get to see the deep, interstitial thoughts of anyone, especially the public figure. This shows us the sniveling, adolescent sexual coward Weinie. But does that make him a bad politician? I’ll take competency over purity any day.
• Media types will stretch and distort the obvious. Watch how cyber experts and pop psychology frauds come in and conflate the story with cyber-bullying and Zeus knows what.

Years ago I heard a story, a tad apocryphal but great nonetheless. A pol was caught red-handed, in flagrante delicto, in a sexual dalliance that was actually photographed by ninja paparazzi. When asked why he did such a thing, the unrepentant pol responded (and I beg your forgiveness, but bowdlerizing will ruin the impact), “When you set a trap with pussy, you’re gonna catch me every time.”

He was reelected without opposition. Just tell the truth.

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